Your favorite totally gay, not gay homicide detective and medical examiner are back for their fifth season of bickering and pretending to not be married.
Look, I know this next part where they collect Maura’s clothes for processing is supposed to be all serious and poignant and heartbreaking. And, don’t get me wrong, it is. Sasha Alexander sells the hell out of this episode with her sad, lost eyes. But then there’s also the small issue of Sasha Alexander stripping down to her black bra and panties. I’m not saying I’m a horrible pervert who rewound that scene three times or possibly more. I’m just saying it happened.
This week on Rizzoli & Isles, the entire Rizzoli clan is getting gussied up. While at Maura’s place. Because, well, of course they are. Big familial celebrations involving fancy clothes and the nice crystal naturally occur at the Isles Estates because family is family. Sure, Jane’s reluctance to make it legal, despite the best intentions of the Supreme Court, is frustrating. But we’re all certain that this Boston Marriage will become a plain-old marriage in time. Stare at those glasses all you want, Jane, it’s happening.
Wait, is it happening now? Because Jane and Maura are walking down the aisle together toward the altar to sanctify their love in front of God and assorted loved ones. Oh, false alarm. Well, we’ll just call it practice for the real thing. It’s TJ’s christening, not marriage, which has brought us together today (p.s. if you didn’t read that last bit in the Princess Bride priest voice I’m not sure if we can still be friends).
After sharing her sob story, Jane and Maura decide to play the Harlequin romance, Dickensian drama or Springer guest game with their lives. I’d say they’re more The L Word meets Cagney & Lacey, but that’s just me.
Just then, to push them closer to the Springer guest category, Maura’s half-sister with half of her original kidneys shows up. Maura demands Jane go with her to see her, because pushing your girlfriend around is a two-way street. Jane says she only will if Maura keeps wearing her Wellies. Leave it to gay ladies to put the rubbers on their feet.
In the autopsy room, Jane walks in on a pencil-biting Maura. The things we do to alleviate sexual tension. Maura says she is doing it to exercise her smile muscles. She says studies have shown activating certain muscles can trick your brain into thinking you are happy. Sweetie, darling – I know some muscle you can activate that will make you actually happy. No tricks required.