""Can I watch?" jokes are one of the main reasons I find it difficult to form bonds or friendships with heterosexual men. Far too many otherwise decent guys think it’s okay to throw around "You’re cool, because lesbians are hot" or "Wow, your girlfriend? Can I watch? lol" as just general playful banter in an attempt to get a lesbian to like them on a friend level, or to "compliment" her, because HEY, even if men have zero bearing on our romantic lives we still must crave the reminder that they find us sexually desirable.
I can’t be around any person who looks at me and sees my identity as something on a drop-down menu of a porn website. Get yourself to hell, get over lesbians, there is literally nothing here for you."

- dusky felidae 

1988 UW-Madison Women’s Studies 103 Handout: “When You Meet a Lesbian: Hints for the Heterosexual Women.” 



I would agree with the right-wing conservative: it is unimaginable that any woman in today’s society would not want to date men. For patriarchy demands that women be sexually available to men. For homosexuality is not seen in our romance novels or movies. For words like “dyke” and “lesbian” have become dirty words that schoolchildren spit to insult and degrade their peers and disliked female teachers. How, then, could it be that despite being conditioned by heteronormative society, despite lacking any knowledge of homosexuality outside of childhood cruelty and extreme politics, lesbians exist and are speaking up?

I would like to think that it is because men are just simply not as exciting as they like to think they are, but lesbianism has only surfaced in popular culture in most recent years. Yet surely lesbianism existed prior to the 21st century. Now and again an article about the Boston Marriages of the nineteenth century will surface and go viral to remind us of its long-term existence. But there were very few recognized women, much less lesbians in history. So when one remembers their great great aunt or grandmother, or historical female inventors and scientists, writers and actresses, of any remarkable woman in history, or even the unremarkable ones who came and left life without a stir, I think of how they could have potentially had feelings for women, they could be a silenced Anne Frank, a suppressed Frida Kahlo, an unnoticed Jane Addams, but instead were forced to assimilate into homophobic, sexist culture and ended up marrying some dull yuppie who failed to love her the way she was born to be loved. Indeed, I would venture to guess that many of the women we look up to today were and are sometimes lesbians.

This may be true or false – who can say? – but what is true in it, so it seems to me, is that lesbophobia and misogyny are dual in nature; it is not just the fear of homosexuality, but the fear of women who do not love men. For it takes little social experience notice how no one ever questions the sexuality of a gay man; a man could have a slightly limp hand and everyone is ready to jump on the idea that he is gay. But lesbianism is met with suspicion, disbelief and assumptions, because it is unthinkable under heteropatriarchy to not worship male assets.

No lesbian can be open without making herself a target for questions about possible past traumatic experiences, or promises of being “fixed” by a man, or is instead – somewhat irrationally – fetishized for the male gaze so that even love between two women is exploited for male gain. Heteropatriarchy has, as it always has, a tendency to either oppress or exploit everything that is not about white men, therefore encouraging young girls to either avoid lesbianism like the plague or utilize it by kissing their friends for their boyfriends, so that to be a true, open, bold lesbian takes the courage of the rarest.

But undoubtedly, I think, a lesbian of the past would have to marry a man as women had no control over their lives. To deny men sex and romance is the ultimate resistance, but the true nature of a lesbian is the unfaltering, unconditional love and appreciation for women. The root of lesbophobia is that lesbianism is mistaken as the hatred of men, when it is in fact the love of women.



(Source: manic-satanic)


The kick of girl-girl porno lies partly in its catering to the fantasy of violating the privacy of lesbians, of making even sex between women - something quite threatening to male sexual prerogative-serve a male agenda; the other, tacit element is the kick of seeing “normal”girls made to emulate homosexual activity. The assumption is that homosexual activity is repulsive, and that therefore the models are disgusted by it and endure it under some compulsion - whether the compulsion of money, force of personality, or physical threat.

Pictures of real lesbians - at Gay Pride rallies, for example - kissing, necking and flirting are often considered disgusting and ugly by the same men who enjoy girl-girl fantasy porn.

Lesbians in the public world who kiss, hold hands, or otherwise behave like a sexually intimate couple (in a restaurant, in a park, at a movie) have often been subjected to abuse, threats and violence from hetero men - the same men who constitute the market for ever-popular girl-girl porno.


- Catharine A. Mackinnon, “Not For Sale: Feminists Resisting Prostitution & Pornography.” 2004.

(Source: gynocraticgrrl)

"Femininity is a code word for heterosexuality. One of the most effective means of controlling women in sport is to challenge the femininity and heterosexuality of women athletes. When a woman is called ‘masculine’, ‘unfeminine’, or ‘dyke’, she knows she has crossed a gender boundary or challenged male privilege. In this way, homophobia serves as glue that holds traditional gender role expectations in place."

- Pat Griffin

(Source: slumberinthebunker)

We Should Be Thankful for Fred Phelps

Fred Phelps died this Wednesday. His death was announced to the public by members of his family and former church on Thursday.

You’re familiar with his family and former church—they’re pretty much one and the same. They’re the ones who are famous for clawing for attention for their message, such as it is, by picketing funerals and other public events with viciously anti-LGBT signs.

The passing of Phelps has been a karmic challenge to the nation and to the LGBTQ community in particular. It can difficult to find the strength of character to extend the compassion to his family that they so vocally refused to extend to others.

It can be easier, though, if we think about the fact that in an odd way, we need to be grateful that he sent his clan out to spew their bile into the world.

Other people may have tried harder to spread hate than Fred Phelps, but no one was louder or meaner about it. But—and this is key to where our gratitude should lie—Phelps turned out to be really, really bad at it.

And as hurtful and frustrating as his actions were, they have boomeranged in the LGBTQ community’s favor many times over.

Phelps and his offspring managed to be so loud, so vicious, and so obviously wrong that the number of non-relatives they have managed to draw into their church can be counted on one hand. Meanwhile, their protests of funerals—especially of military funerals—showed the world how much hate lies behind anti-gay rhetoric. There is arguably an entire generation that now associates all anti-LGBT rhetoric with a mental picture of a screeching WBC member.

Just as important, the clan’s prominent position in the media made it easier and easier for the general public to see how similar all anti-LGBT rhetoric is. It really isn’t more than a step or two from one of their church’s vile protest signs to an average public statement by more garden-variety bigots like Rick Santorum, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, or Mike Huckabee.

Watch now! "Why So Much Violence Against Queer Black Women?"

Host Marc Lamont Hill had our own Eboni Rafus on HuffPost Live today to discuss violence against queer black women. Eboni joined in via Skype along with Rev. Irene Monroe and professor Myisha Cherry, while writer/activist Darnell Moore was in studio for the conversation. Darnell’s recent piece in Out, “When Black Lesbians Are Killed by Black Men,” touched on the recent murders of Britney Cosby and Crystal Jackson, as well as the killing of Sakia Gunn in 2003. Eboni and the other panelists engage in a great dialogue about why this is happening and how we can make sure to talk about it without placing all of homophobia on the black community.

Angel Haze live tweets homophobic Virgin Airlines experience

A Virgin employee purposely misgenders a lesbian aboard a flight, and the pansexual rapper will not stand for it.

Suzanne Pharr, Homophobia: A Weapon of Sexism

"Lesbophobia is dual in nature. It’s not only hatred for women who are attracted to women. It’s also hatred for women who are not attracted to men."

- lesbiangoggles (X)