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The Hook Up: On forgiveness and un-confusing yourself

When you’re dating a guy but want a girlfriend.

The Hook Up: How to talk to girls (Part 2)

And why are straight girls attracted to me?

The Hook Up: Am I coming on too strong?

I’ve started dating this girl, and she’s amazing. I really like her and she really likes me. The thing is though, I’m currently torn between two conflicting, but very real, fears. One the one hand, I’m scared that if I’m coming across as too eager. She’s told me that her last two exes were very possessive and very controlling, and I’m worried that if I am coming across as too eager, she’s gonna think I’m the same and decide I’m not worth the effort. On the other hand however, I’m scared that if I hold back and try to be more aloof she’ll think I’m not into her or her feelings will fade. This is my first real, genuine relationship and I’m terrified of screwing it up this early on with my insecurities, but I can’t seem to stop focusing on these two fears. Any advice?

The Hook Up: Approaching girls in clubs and family dinner etiquette

I’m a bisexual girl in her early twenties who goes out a decent amount with her friends. I don’t outwardly look to hook up with someone, but if the opportunity arises then I’d usually go for it. I’ve found this effective when it comes to guys, but not really with girls. When I try for more than just a hook up, I usually don’t get a second glance. I’ve come to realize that it is hard for gay girls to tell that I’m bi, which I find slightly bizarre because a decent portion of guys think I’m gay. That opinion usually changes when I’m assertive.

All that being said, how can I get gay girls to look in my direction. Pretty much, how do I combat my shyness for girls that I don’t usually possess for the opposite sex?

The Hook Up: Lesbian prom tips and coming out to coworkers

So prom season is coming up and I’ve been stressing on how to go about it, especially since I’m gay. I’ve been friends with this one girl since freshman year and have basically liked her since then. She knows how I feel about her and I was thrilled when I learned she felt the same way. We’ve both pretty much assumed that we’re going together, but I get the sense that she wants me to formally ask her. However, I don’t know whether or not I should make it a big deal, like make a huge poster? Leave notes in her classes? Just bring her flowers at her house?

What also complicates things is that no one really knows that we’ve been talking. I’m scared of how people will react because, while my school is extremely accepting, our getting together is super unexpected. We only know each other from being in the same sport, but we don’t hang out in the same group of friends at all—she hangs out with the really popular, partying-type crowd, and I kind of lean toward the super school-involved, non-socially awkward over-achieving AP student types.

Also, I honestly don’t know what to do about everything else. Since we don’t have the same friends, should I go and try to take pictures in her group and then she can go to dinner with mine? How the heck do we even pose? Do we still have to do that whole awkward “couples line up with the guy grabbing the girl from behind” thing? How do we even color-coordinate, or should we not match because it would be too cheesy? We’re both pretty feminine and for sure want to wear dresses and heels. Sorry for all the questions, but I honestly just don’t want to screw up the most overrated night of my high school career. Please help?

The Hook Up: How to overcome fear of rejection

I’ve recently developed a crush on a pansexual, single friend of mine. I’m not usually emotionally attracted to people the way I am to her (and, you know, her being hot doesn’t hurt). We’re pretty touchy feely with each other and she usually seems so happy to see me that when she doesn’t pay special attention to me I fall into that 80-year, Pablo Neruda-quoting cycle of despair you once detailed. She’s really special and I want to go for it, put I am usually attracted to people who are assertive and act on their own feelings very clearly. I have no idea if we’re friendly or flirting and terrified of rejection. Is there a way to let her know I’m interested without wearing a sign that flashes “platonic” or “super gay” for every interaction I have?

The Hook Up: How Do I Break Up With My Best Friend?

I’m still in love with my best friend. I say, still, because yes, I’ve already told her how I felt. I was drunk one night at a bar during my birthday and she had been dating this other girl and it wasn’t working out. And that’s when I told her that if I didn’t know any better I would totally go for her. Which was probably not the best way to come out with the truth, but that’s what happened.

Anyhow, she told me she didn’t want to lose me as a friend and that she was traumatized because this had happened to her before. She didn’t want to hurt my feelings because she didn’t feel the same way as I did.

And the truth was, I didn’t want to lose her, either. So, I agreed to try to work it out with myself and, well, the thing is, I’m also married. It seemed on the surface that I just had a crush and was obviously in a bad place in my own marriage. And that I was questioning my sexuality for the first time, and that was probably a lot for both of us to handle.

Eventually, she broke up with the girl and we remained closer than ever. It’s been about six months since I’ve told her how I felt and I still feel the same way. I figured our friendship was better than nothing. She hadn’t dated anyone else and we see each other all the time, dinners, movies, as complete best friends. And I wait and cherish all of those times that she reaches over and we hold hands. Or, that every time we say goodbye, we hug and I text her back to let her know I’ve gotten home safe. I’ve gotten used to being reticent and I’ve learned to be cautious since I’ve told her how I felt. Even when she tells me that she’s so happy to see me, I try not to let it get to me.

Anyhow, she told me last week that she met someone that she really connected with. I got jealous. It dawned on me that I was completely delusional and a hopeless romantic. I vowed to end our friendship or to put it on the brakes. So, I stopped calling her and texting her for about a week and then, she tells me that she misses me and loves me. We both know we care about each other and love each other as friends. But, how do you break up with your best friend that you’re in love with? Because you know it’s the right thing to do?

The Hook Up: How do you €œknow€?

Hi Anna, I have always thought I was a lesbian (or at least bisexual). I’ve had crushes on several girls, but they were all straight. The only lesbians I’ve ever met have already been in a relationship. Because of this, I ended up dating men and marrying a man. We’ve been married for five years, and as time passes I keep feeling that I made a mistake. What do I do? How do you know for sure if you are a lesbian or not?