So I know there are like a million other people who struggle with coming out, but I need to tell my dad I’m bisexual. He’s the only important person in my life left to tell, and his is the reaction I’m most worried about. I wanted to wait until I knew for sure if I was gay or bi (actually this article of yours helped me figure it out). I know people say not to worry about labels, but he wouldn’t understand without one, so I wanted to be sure. Now that I know, there’s nothing stopping me from telling him. My mom knows and is 100% supportive (I knew she would be cuz she has two gay siblings), but I feel bad making her keep this secret from my dad. He’s asked her a couple of times if I’m gay and she had to lie. She said she didn’t know and if I was would it matter, and he ignored her question completely. Just didn’t answer her. He asked me once if “I was thinking about going that way” but that was months ago when I was still confused. I’ve been waiting for another opportunity like that but none have come, so I guess what I want to know is how to bring this up to him on my own?
There’s this girl, her name is Bi. Her last boyfriend, Cheater, cheated on her for months. Despite this, she had the hardest time getting over him. When she finally realized how awful he was, she met a new guy, Phobic. Phobic doesn’t know that Bi sometimes likes the ladies. He treats her really well, spoiling her, and being really understanding about all of the drama in her past. She’s never had a boyfriend treat her so well.
Then there’s Me. Me and Bi have been best friends for practically their whole lives. Last year Me admitted she had feelings for Bi. Bi returned them, but was scared and ran. It almost ruined their friendship. Me has worked really hard to get over her feelings, but she isn’t sure that Bi is over them. Me is also concerned about the new boyfriend’s homophobia. Phobic treats Bi well, but doesn’t know everything about her, so his affection is conditional. Me is also afraid to meet this guy, even though he doesn’t know she prefers the company of women.
Should she say something to Bi? If yes, then what should Me say? Did this make any sense at all?
About two months ago, I met a girl at a weekend conference for a student society that we’re both president of at our respective universities (she lives about half an hour away from me) and we both come from the same city. We hit it off and I was super attracted to her. Aside from exchanging emails about linking our societies we haven’t spoken but I would like to meet her again. Is it weird if I follow her on Twitter/Instagram and maybe start a conversation with her? I know she’s single and into girls but I don’t know how to indicate to her that I like her.
Am I being completely naive/or silly? And if I want to speak to her some more how do I go about it?—Desperately Seeking Someone
Anna says: Like this: Hi Society Girl, It was great meeting you recently. I enjoyed your company and your hotness. Would you like to get a beverage with me this week? Sincerely, DSS
Or, if you’d rather go about it the hard way, then feel free to try to lure her into your skivvies with months of compelling tweets and clever Instagram comments—don’t come right out and compliment her, that’d be too easy. Instead make obscure literary references from Pablo Neruda — not the one that every lesbian uses about the spring and the cherry trees, but something safer, a poem about a table, perhaps. “Like” and “favorite” almost everything she says and does on social media, so that you will always be at the forefront of her mind. But ignore her references to attractive celebrities—your silence will imply your displeasure at her commenting on Jennifer Lawrence’s Golden Globes dress, when really she should have eyes for no one but you.
Then, when she doesn’t respond to every social media comment you compose, agonize inwardly for days, and then solicit the help of no less than three of your closest friends (and one less close “impartial” friend) to analyze your crush’s every word, punctuation choice, and hidden meanings. When you and your sleuths discover a possibility of flirtation from your crush, rejoice! When it appears she is not flirting but simply commenting neutrally about her feelings concerning this morning’s english muffin, become horribly depressed and vow to get over her in favor of someone who actually returns your affections. This only lasts 45 seconds, however, and then your resolve to win her back comes at an even stronger force. Switch your literary references for TV and movie references and throw in quotes with more suggestive metaphors: caves, oysters, and, on a particularly bold day, the Grand Canyon.
Years pass and you are no further near to her heart than you were when you first started, so you redouble your efforts and add her on Google Plus and Pinterest. You track her locations on FourSquare and Facebook check-ins, and then stake out her favorite restaurants and bars, hoping against hope that she will show up at the same time and place when you are there yourself. Then one day she does! But you never rehearsed this part and instead of talking to her, you simply stare in her direction briefly and then look away. How could she not say hello to you? Didn’t she see you glancing at her with Nerudian longing?! Can’t she tell by the number of times you’ve blinked in a minute that you are ovulating and hence desireful of her? As you are contemplating the perfect combination of words, swagger, and sexy-table-leaning that will cause her to spontaneously rip off her clothes right there at Applebee’s and confess her undying love for you, you take a deep breath and fall to the ground because you’ve been pursuing this girl for 80 years and you just had your hip replaced and some jerk knocked your walker out from under you while reaching for their fried chicken tenders and the force of the blow and the force of 80 years of waiting around and hoping and stressing yourself out causes your heart to explode and you die.
But I strongly suggest you try option number one.
My partner and I have been together for a little over three years. Our relationship developed from an incredibly close friendship to more because she was there for me in a dark time and I for her. About a year ago she found a new best friend who is completely reliant on her in every way. My partner is the most loving, selfless, and caring person in the world and is happiest when giving to others. It is one of the things I love about her. But I can’t kick my jealousy.
No one ever teaches same-gender couples how to navigate close friendships. She recently found out some scary news from her family and didn’t tell me for a long time but told her best friend immediately. She sleeps there almost every night and when I try to be there for her she tells me she’ll only take out her frustration with me. I don’t know how this happened but I feel like I’ve lost her and that I am not her person anymore. Should I keep trying to win her back or step aside? —Sad Lady
My partner and I have been together for four years. We went through a bit of a rough patch about two years ago. By “rough patch” I mean something pretty drastic and difficult in our lives happened that sent us into damage control and survival mode. Things are better now but I find that we’re still not connecting like we used to. I understand that relationships change and shift. I’m not expecting us to be like we were before. We love each other a lot but our intimacy/sex life is really strained and awkward. It seems like we just can’t seem to get it to click anymore.
So I guess my questions (yes I’m sneaking in a few) are these: How do couples bounce back after prolonged difficult times? How do you find a new normal? What if our sex life never resembles something that I’m happy with? How do you decide if you’re willing to sacrifice that to stay with someone you love?—Hugh-Man-Bean
We had a huge blow up that night about it. I’m hurt and upset about it. She says I shouldn’t be worried about it because it was “nothing” and not her fault the woman kissed her. Of course, our fight was a drunken one and she said some hurtful things about us not having sex enough and me talking to the same girl all night. We’ve talked since the fight but we haven’t talked about it. Is there a good way to address this or let her know that even though it “meant nothing” to her, it hurt me? Or am I being overly sensitive and should just try to let it go?