Previously on Pretty Little Liars, Shana Costumeshop revealed herself as the Original Emily Fields and then drove our Emily Fields to an abandoned warehouse to meet up with a very alive Alison DiLaurentis. Spencer busted up their reunion by clanging together a bunch of pots and pans behind a pile of old tires, which spooked Ali into fleeing and caused Emily to almost propel her homicide count to two. Hanna dealt with her Caleb breakup by rebounding onto Travis’ lips/balls, but was rescued from her implosion by a plate-hurling Ashley. Ezra threw a Hobbit-sized fit in the middle of the street, smashing his tiny fists on a car and threatening to decapitate a blonde lady (his apparent favorite hobby) before stashing some knives in Kung Fu Jake’s kung fu kicking bag and sharing a brownie a la murder with Aria.
Let this be a lesson to all you gaymos out there: Emily Fields, nearly perfect and mostly Canadian though she most certainly is, does not always react Hufflepuffy to the charity of her friends and girlfriends. You get her a meeting with an Olympic swim team coach, she won’t make out with you for a month. You offer to help her shoulder her burdens, she shouts the word “FEELINGS” at you so loud your brain rattles around in your skull. You keep her from getting her heart figuratively and figuratively ripped from her chest by her reincarnated first dead girlfriend/first dead girlfriend’s axe-murderer, and you can absolutely forget about being invited to the movies. Which is to say that Emily is not hanging out with Spencer, and she’s not hanging out with Hanna because Hanna is still hanging out with Spencer.
For a group of young women who find themselves in constant mortal peril, the Pretty Little Liars sure have dropped some nuggets of wisdom on us over the last several years. In fact, I often find myself quoting them the way some people quote the Bible. How well do you know the Rosewoodian Proverbs? Who said it: A fortune cookie or a Pretty Little Liar?
Previously on Pretty Little Liars, Caleb returned to Rosewood to break up with Hanna because being best friends with a ghost for three years did not prepare her to understand how he is now best friends with a ghost. Ezra enticed Aria to go for a ride with him to his murder cabin by waving some feathers out the window of his car, all, “Hey, little girl…” Spencer agreed to help Toby help her dad shut down Radley for good, even though her brainspace and heartspace aren’t quite ready to let the secrets (and secret lesbian zombie waltzes!) of that place go. And Emily lost her damn mind trying to wrap it around the fact that the first murdered girl she loved had risen from the grave.
Previously on Pretty Little Liars, four friends suffered years of physical and psychological torture at the hands of their dead best friend’s time-traveling ghost and her army of minions, which consisted of human beings in various states of adrenalized hyperreality, at least one half-blind half-cyborg, and a parrot. After making sure they were run under by cars, poisoned, broken-hearted, hospitalized, institutionalized, hijacked, kidnapped, buried, hypnotized, blown up, drowned, massaged, closeted, shamed, arrested, burned up, and blasted into outer space, the time-traveling ghost revealed herself as a living, breathing not-ghost who just wanted to come home and sleep in the bed her mother had been keeping warm for her.
Just in time for last night’s season premiere of Pretty Little Liars, Marissa Farina of LezBeOnTalk discusses the pros and cons of dating each Liar for AfterEllen.com. Who would you date? Aria, Spencer, Emily or Hanna? Let us know & watch more of Marissa here!
Plus Lily Tomlin and Jane Wagner get married and more!
Now that those pesky holidays are over we can get back to the business of television! Loads of your favorite lesbian/bi shows are getting ready to return in a major way, so we thought we’d put together a handy cheat sheet to help you not miss a minute. Below are the premiere dates for upcoming shows featuring gay ladies (with our AfterEllen Twitter hasthtags — so you can tweet along with us! — in parentheses).
Two and a Half Men – Jan 2 (#2Men1Lez)
Dracula – Jan 3
Pretty Little Liars – Jan 7 (#BooRadleyVanCullen)
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – Jan 7 (#Superqueeros)
Chicago Fire – Jan 7 (#ShaycagoFire)
Super Fun Night – Jan 8
White Collar – Jan 9
The Fosters – Jan 13 (#GaydyBunch)
Shameless – Jan 12
Lost Girl (SyFy) – Jan 13
Hollywood Game Night – Jan 20
Black Sails – Jan 25
House of Cards – Feb 14
Glee – Feb 25 (#GaySharks)
Rizzoli & Isles – Feb 25 (#Gayzzoli)
Grey’s Anatomy – Feb 27 (#GreysGays)
Once Upon a Time – March 9 (#Queerytales)
Orphan Black – April 19 (#Clonesbians)
Orange Is the New Black - Spring 2014
Defiance – June 2014
"I just kept staring at her."