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The AfterEllen.com Huddle: Un-Coming Out

Sexuality is a damned hard thing to wrap our minds around, and certainly to agree upon. Very often public figures comment on their own identities and the queer community feels ownership and pride—until those identities change. Anne Heche might be the most infamous when it comes to having dated Ellen DeGeneres and later saying she “changed her mind” about being gay. Just this week, Jessie J took to Twitter to say her own bisexuality was a phase.

While it’s true that celebrities, like anyone else, have the right to their own private life and identities, it’s hard not to be affected by their statements, especially when they echo the kinds of arguments that opponents of equality use against us. So this week’s Huddle is all about that: Was there someone whose reneging on their sexuality particularly disappointed you?

Jessie J says she's not bisexual anymore

In a now deleted tweet, Jessie J wrote:

I fancy/date/love men and only men. Is that “straight to the point” enough?

What’s left on the feed, though, is more of an explanation of what she considered a phase.

Remember the thing that you tried/did back in the day. The phase you had? That is so not YOU anymore?! And you look back and think wow how I’ve changed. I would never do that now. Something that you don’t even talk about or want to talk about anymore. Because you’ve moved on? That was just part of you growing up? Discovering yourself and working out what you liked and disliked…. Remember?

I have those too. Yet I’ve noticed some people hold onto mine because they were blogged and put into the media. Fame doesn’t stop people evolving and growing up. Defining me by old news. Sometimes making me feel like I can’t go against something I said 5/6 years ago! Passing comments made into facts that can never change. Guess what? They can change. As they should. And I have changed and grown up ALOT, and that’s allowed. And I feel more comfortable in my own skin now than ever before. We all are on a journey and I refuse to feel boxed and judged because of how I felt once! A long ass time ago. Vegetarians eat meat sometimes. Get it. People change.

Morning Brew - Mary Lambert, Tig Notaro up for Grammys

A huge congrats are in order to some out women on their Grammy nominations. Mary Lambert‘s song with Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, ”Same Love,” is up for Song of the Year. Also up for an award, R&B Divas for Best R&B Album, which Monifah sings on. Tig Notaro is nominated for her Live comedy album and Jessie J‘s “Silver Lining” is up against Regina Spektor‘s Orange is the New Black theme song (“You Got Time”) for Best Song Written for Visual Media.

Its funny how many people I’ve dated/slept with that I’ve never even met according to the tabloids. BUT what’s that?! *whispers because its a secret* I’m really a lesbian?! Ha! Thanks for writing yet another boring untrue story. I thought I was still dating Tinie, NO Ellie G, NO Mark Wright….bla bla bla! #cantkeepup #noneofitstrue
Morning Brew - Thurs. April 19: Rachel Maddow on “Watch What Happens: Live,” Jessie J on rumors she’s a secret lesbian

The frustrating thing is that if I was with a guy right now, I’d be [considered] straight. But if I was with a girl, I’d be “gay.” When I was with my ex-girlfriend, I used to take her around and say, “This is my girlfriend.” People would be comfortable with it because I was. That’s what annoys me about the media. I’ve never tried to make [my sexuality] something that’s going to put me in newspapers or magazines. I’m never, ever going to let it be something that sells my music. Sexuality shouldn’t define you. It should be part of who you are. At the moment I’m single, and I’m happy and learning about myself. Music is the love of my life right now.

Morning Brew - Thurs. April 12: Crystal Chappell to play a lesbian on “Bold and the Beautiful,” Jessie J on her sexuality
Happy birthday to bisexual pop stars Fergie and Jessie J!