Previously on Pretty Little Liars, Shana Costumeshop revealed herself as the Original Emily Fields and then drove our Emily Fields to an abandoned warehouse to meet up with a very alive Alison DiLaurentis. Spencer busted up their reunion by clanging together a bunch of pots and pans behind a pile of old tires, which spooked Ali into fleeing and caused Emily to almost propel her homicide count to two. Hanna dealt with her Caleb breakup by rebounding onto Travis’ lips/balls, but was rescued from her implosion by a plate-hurling Ashley. Ezra threw a Hobbit-sized fit in the middle of the street, smashing his tiny fists on a car and threatening to decapitate a blonde lady (his apparent favorite hobby) before stashing some knives in Kung Fu Jake’s kung fu kicking bag and sharing a brownie a la murder with Aria.
Let this be a lesson to all you gaymos out there: Emily Fields, nearly perfect and mostly Canadian though she most certainly is, does not always react Hufflepuffy to the charity of her friends and girlfriends. You get her a meeting with an Olympic swim team coach, she won’t make out with you for a month. You offer to help her shoulder her burdens, she shouts the word “FEELINGS” at you so loud your brain rattles around in your skull. You keep her from getting her heart figuratively and figuratively ripped from her chest by her reincarnated first dead girlfriend/first dead girlfriend’s axe-murderer, and you can absolutely forget about being invited to the movies. Which is to say that Emily is not hanging out with Spencer, and she’s not hanging out with Hanna because Hanna is still hanging out with Spencer.
Previously on Pretty Little Liars, four friends suffered years of physical and psychological torture at the hands of their dead best friend’s time-traveling ghost and her army of minions, which consisted of human beings in various states of adrenalized hyperreality, at least one half-blind half-cyborg, and a parrot. After making sure they were run under by cars, poisoned, broken-hearted, hospitalized, institutionalized, hijacked, kidnapped, buried, hypnotized, blown up, drowned, massaged, closeted, shamed, arrested, burned up, and blasted into outer space, the time-traveling ghost revealed herself as a living, breathing not-ghost who just wanted to come home and sleep in the bed her mother had been keeping warm for her.
One of the most fascinating things about PLL fashion is — well, I mean, obviously the most fascinating thing is that Mandi Line is a wizard. But it has been so interesting to watch how she has allowed each of Liars’ styles to evolve over the years while making very, very sure to keep their aesthetic as teenager-y as possible. The biggest transition from actor-to-character in recent years has been Shay to Emily, because every year of her life, that girl just gets sexier and sexier. So, they do the best they can. Ponytails and layers and vests and everything, but I guess sometimes there’s nothing you can do to combat the sheer power of her whole sexual deal, so you’ve just got to be like, “Fuck it, dim the lights and let’s hope the camera doesn’t catch on fire.” Which is exactly what’s happening right now as Emily and Paige lounge around in her bedroom talking about colleges. I mean, honestly, if you’re not legitimately hypnotized by that shirt and those shoulders and that collarbone and all that glorious, unleashed, disheveled hair, I think you’d better go with Jenna to the basement of Rosewood General Hospital and buy yourself a new pair of eyeballs.
Wait, what? We can buy tickets to work out with Shay Mitchell?! Our heart rate is already at 300 bpm just thinking about it.
Our Dateability Index ranks current lesbian/bi characters on a scale of 1 to 5 Emily Fitches. How date-able is your favorite? (Not based on hormones! Based on science!)